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Senior Citizen Information - Jokes
A smile a day keeps the guy with the curved knife away


A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyse myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
The red ones the smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know....................
Is what tells each one where to go?

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for
it. Matter of fact I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles don't hurt!

Courtesy of Sharon Stanford Tranter Lowe Accountants.


1. "You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."
George Burns.

2. "He is alive, but only in the sense that he can't be legally buried."
Geoffrey Madan

3. "A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
Groucho Marx.

4. "People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit."
George Burns.

5. "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
Bob Hope

6. "When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick."
George Burns

7. "I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
Rita Rudner.

8. "I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time."
Greer Garson.

9. "Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
George Burns

10. "Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."
Woody Allen

11. "I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere."
George Burns.

12. "Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did."
Robert Benchley

13. "Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt."
Herbert Hoover

14. "I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill."
George Burns

15. "Sex at the age of eighty-four is a wonderful experience. Especially the one in the winter."
Milton Berle

16. "The secret of longevity is to keep breathing."
Sophie Tucker

Sophie Tucker
17. "At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
Patrick Moore.

18. "I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
Woody Allen.

19. "At my age flowers scare me."
George Burns.

20. "My grandmother was a very tough woman. She burried three husbands and two of them were just napping."
Rita Rudner




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